don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
