She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Send help, water and tortillas.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
