I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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