i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
