i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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