Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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