If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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