so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
