If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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