so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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