I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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