First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
