So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
