hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
