And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
