She's JV to your varsity
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
