Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
