just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
