She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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