Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
