He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
