Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
