An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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