why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
