she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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