I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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