I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
