the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
