Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
