we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
