so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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