Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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