I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
