Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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