I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
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I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You're like the curious george of whores
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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