ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
