And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
