if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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