hotel room ftw
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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