12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
