I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
