Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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