What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
