I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
