my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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