you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
