Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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