If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
