he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
