Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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