Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
