Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
