If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
