and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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