When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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