Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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