Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
