spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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