Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
