Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
