she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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