you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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