And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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