guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
