My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize