Kiss
Puke
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
