Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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